(Part 8) Nerves With Tacos

Jeff looked out the passenger window, while his dad was driving him to the crash.
“Hey… it’s ok Jeff… I’m sure it was quick and painless…she’s in a better place now…well… actually she’s probably in hell being molested by her dead uncle…but if she was in heaven…that’d be nice right?” Jeff just looked at him… he had forgotten about Amanda, he was thinking of Sara… he was still wondering if he had done something he was going to regret.
“Uhh… yeah… your probably right dad…” He just turned around and placed his forehead against the glass, as he saw a giant transport truck on it’s side in the middle of the road. There was a huge scar down the hill and leading to the lake, where a car had fallen. Jeff got out of the car and walked over to an officer…it was Steve… the cop that yelled at the cop who had pulled him over the one time and caught him naked at the park.
“Hey…are you Jeffrey Dunwell?” asked Steve.
“Yes officer…” Jeff said solemnly although he felt fake doing so.
“Well… as you can see…your girlfriend… Ms. Amanda Sukmore…”
“Sookmer.” Corrected Jeff.
“Oh yeah… Sookmer. Well…she pretty much had a bad accident… and now she’s dead…” Steve said pretty unsympathetically.
“Oh… I see,” Jeff tried hard to not have sarcasm in his voice as he said this… the cop was being a dumb ass. “Well… how did it happen?”
“Well… according to eye witnesses reports, first the driver saw a squirrel on the road and swerved to avoid it. According to the driver the squirrel was cute and cuddly looking, and it reminded him of his wife… I’m not sure if he is implying that he performs unmentionable tasks towards animals that are looked down upon by our society for good reasons, or if he is joking…but either way…it’s not funny. Ms. Sookmer saw this and tried to avoid it. That’s when she slid under a transport truck.”
“And it flipped out of control and she died seamlessly right?” Jeff tried to rush the cop…he needed to talk to Sara about last night… as good as it was…not that he had anything to compare it too. After Jeff realized he was doing this he felt terrible for it
What kind of person tries to rush how there ex girlfriends died? What kind of soulless creature would do this?
“Nope there’s more.” Steve replied
Son of a bitch, why won’t she just die already? thought Jeff.
“That’s when the tires bent with ninety degrees so that it perfectly drove under the transport truck sideways. After going for a good couple miles, the vehicle had come in contact with the two back right wheels, the transport truck tipped, and landed on her car, “Wow… what a way to go?” Jeff tried stating this as a question and succeeded.
“You would think after all this her anxiety would have gotten to the point that it would have killed her right? But forensics show that she didn’t die by that. No, when the transport truck tipped it landed on the back of the car, it folded the rear of the car in, that’s when the car fell of the road and down the hill, it rolled and rolled, we imagine it had some good air time at points, but it all seriousness she did have some head trauma. then the car hit the road at the bottom of this hill and the sparks created a minor fire, her lower half was burned. It was a first degree burn, not to bad, but still hurts, luckily for her the car rolled into the lake and she drowned there.”
“Oh my god.” Jeff couldn’t believe it… but then Steve started laughing
“Oh god, that was funny… no, she was having sex with a guy while driving and drove off the road and into the lake…but I mean, your face was just so… god that was good… I saw the transport truck here and I was like oh god wouldn’t it be awesome if the too accidents were combined… well it was… the trucker saw them having sex mid-drive then turned to quickly and tipped it but that wasn’t tragic enough.” Jeff was silent, he couldn’t believe Steve had done that… it was funny but still.
“Well that doesn’t change the fact that she’s dead, that stupid whore.” Jeff couldn’t believe she had already started having sex with someone… he though she would have at least waited a day to do anything with anyone because she was emotional.
“The man’s name was Richard Mongo.” A cop walked up to him and put his hand on Steve’s shoulder.
“Richard Muncher, Steve…” Steve’s face just lit up.
“Are you kidding me? THAT’S AMAZING! Dick Muncher?” he asked with a giddiness in his voice.
“Yes, that would be the short form of his name.” sighed the cop as he walked away.
“Well… that’s great…” Jeff started to sound depressed… he hated her…but this was too much.
“If it makes you feel better,” Started Steve after he stopped laughing, “She drowned in Ayehoresmout Lake.” Jeff looked up with a smile.
“That kinda sounds like.” Before he could finish Steve interrupted to say the catch line.
“She drowned in A Whores Mouth! I know! Isn’t it amazing!? God… I LOVE TODAY!” said Steve as he turned around, then he raised his arms in the air and yelled to another cop. “ANYONE GOT KOOL-AID?” Jeff turned around and walked to his dad.
“Well… you get any closure?” his dad asked him
“Yeah,” Jeff sighed. “It wasn’t that hard, I don’t have any emotional attachment to her anymore dad.” His dad just looked at him with a very sympathetic look.
“It’s ok sport, you don’t have to have your heart be so hard, it’s ok to cry.” Then his dad grabbed him and gave him a hug, he squeezed Jeff way to hard,
“CRY JEFF! IT’S OK!” his dad yelled. Jeff did. “There, there. It’ll be ok.” Jeff’s dad loosened his grip as Jeff pushed himself free and started coughing.
“Jeff are you ok?” his dad asked him.
“You smell like sweat and… I don’t know but it doesn’t smell good!” The smell had brought tears to Jeff’s eyes.
“Oh, that’s Sara’s mothers perfume, Le cougar I believe.” Jeff just laughed.
“Let’s go home dad.” Jeff’s dad tried talking to Jeff and having his ‘true feelings’ come out… but there was nothing there… at all. He had emotions, he even felt guilty for the whole deal last night with Sara… for no good reason. Finally he got home, and he just called up Sara.
“Hello?” Sara’s voice said, it sounded very scratchy
“Hey… it’s Jeff… are you ok?”
“Oh, hi Jeff.” Sara’s voice immediately changed into happy, giggly Sara’s voice. But she was breathing pretty hard still…as if she was crying.
“I was wondering if you wanted to hang out.”
“Ok, pick me up now?”
“Ok… where are we go…” before he could finish Sara gave him her answer.
“The mall.” They said there goodbyes…it seemed to be easier for Sara then Jeff… which he didn’t understand, but either way he had gotten into his car, picked up Sara and driven to the mall. They went in and out of stores, until they got to Stitch That! Then Sara started to squeal.
“You need to put on skinny jeans!” She exclaimed as she looked up at Jeff with hopeful eyes.
“Umm… no thanks.” He said, lightly pulling on her hand to see if she would move, she didn’t budge.
“Aww. Why not?” she asked giving him the worst puppy dog face ever.
“Because, I enjoy my sperm count to be above zero.” He said simply… it wasn’t his real reason but it was a more comical one he though.
“That’s stupid, give me your real reason.” She said, loosing the puppy dog face and just having a sad face.
“Because, I don’t like them?”
“Fine.” Sara said, she looked back at the store. “They have a really nice dress, it’s black and has stitched patterns on it and it looks amazing. But I don’t have the money.” She just walked away tugging at Jeff’s hand,
I could get it for her now…or I can make her think I don’t care and get it for her when she least expects it. He just let Sara tug him away. They spent some more time around the mall and then they went to the food court.
“What should we get to eat?” Jeff asked her looking at the stands. The Asian Skillet, The Pizza Box, Burgerville, and then he saw it… The Taco Sombrero.
“The Taco Sombrero!” Jeff screamed as he tugged Sara towards it, she stood still again.
“No!” Sara said simply, with the most stern voice Jeff had ever heard.
“Why not?” asked Jeff, confused “Do you not like Taco’s?”
“No, it’s not that… I…I can’t eat them… I’m a pig.” She lowered her head and looked down ashamed. Jeff placed two fingers under her chin and raised her face to look at him.
“It’s ok, nothing can change how I feel about you.” Jeff said, although he knew it was because he didn’t know what he felt, Sara smiled. Jeff was pleased that she bought this. He was sure she wouldn't because of how corny it was.
“Ok… but I’m asking them to put everything in a bowl, I’ll eat it as a Salad.” They walked up the counter and ordered there food. Then they sat down near the escalator. Jeff started eating his Taco, only thinking, Small bites, don’t be a slob, if you are, use a napkin And he started talking to Sara.
“So, how was your day so far?” she didn’t answer.
“It’s better now.” She said quietly
“Oh really?” Jeff said sounding cocky and intrigued “How come.”
“Cause I’m with you, what? “ Sara said as fast as she could, Jeff heard her still.
“Cause you’re with…who? Damn what is it that you could have said?” Jeff could tell Sara knew that he had heard it… the not so subtle hints gave it away, her face went red. She raised her spoon full of Taco fillings to her mouth, it fell out of her spoon and landed on the table. Jeff couldn’t help but giggle.
“I guess you were right about the whole eating Taco thing.” Jeff smiled as he watched Sara blush uncontrollably, she went for her Coke, but she didn’t grab it, she accidentally pushed it over, a stream of liquid came fast towards Jeff, he moved his legs fast enough to not get any on him.
“Oh my god…” Sara repeated over and over, she got up quickly “I’ll get napkins.” She turned around to fast and didn’t see the small plant that was beside our table and ran right into it, she had her coke in her hands by this point and the lid had broke from it’s small fall, the contents of the cup flew out and landed on someone.
“WHAT THE FUCK!” the person yelled. Jeff got up and placed his arm around Sara’s waist, hurrying her up to walk away, they got on the escalator. Sara avoided Jeff’s eyes like the plague.
“Well…” Jeff started, hoping he could change the subject. “I’ll try those skinny jeans if it makes you feel better.” Sara just laughed,
“No it’s ok, we should get home though, I have a big day coming up on the weekend, I have to get ready for it.” That’s when Jeff remembered SHIT! Amanda’s funeral! It’s this Saturday! I need to write a eulogy! Jeff couldn’t believe he forgot. The rest of that week he spent trying to find a way to make everyone love Amanda. Finally Saturday came, and Jeff had only written two words. He walked into the church and sat in the third row.
“Thanks for coming Jeff, Amanda would have appreciated it.”
“No problem Ms. Sookmer.”
“Do you have the eulogy ready?” she asked, Jeff swallowed, it sound extremely loud to him, but no one seemed to hear it.
“Yes.” He said simply.
“Good, your going after me, just think Jeff, if you had waited a few hours you could’ve had a dead girlfriend, instead of a dead ex girlfriend…weird.” Then she walked away.
Come On Jeff, Eulogy…what was something nice Amanda did? Jeff thought quickly as the priest walked up to the stand,
“We’re here to honor the death of Amanda Sookmer, who was taken from us before her time, Amanda Sookmer… Friend, Ex Girlfriend, Friend With A lot Of Benefits…” this was going to be a long funeral…